The girl we loved
by watcher-ofthe-sky
Summary: It was a rivalry, not intimacy. It was a fight where she was the reward. A reward that now has gone so far from their reach that now only its absence was left to acknowledge. Jellal and Gray loved the same girl and they forever will; even if they have to take her out of one another. JellalxGray (Jelray). Also includes Jerza and Grayza. One Shot.


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fairytail, Hiro Mashima does.**

 **This is the first time that I am writing a JellalxGray story. The reason being that I could not find many fanfiction about them. Also, I don't know what their ship is called so, let's call it Jelray. I have taken some scenes and dialogues from the original story itself (they are in italics).**

 **That said,**

 **enjoy.**

* * *

It was not exactly as Erza had imagined.

It was worse.

The whole guild was present. All dressed in black. It was raining heavily and Juvia wasn't the reason for that.

They all were mourning over the loss of a fairytail member. No, it wasn't just _a_ member. It was _the_ member. On the grave it was engraved in sharp bold letters, **_Erza Scarlet_**

Lucy couldn't stop crying. How can she? After everything they have been through, they were always together. The scarlet haired mage had taught her how to be strong. She was her inspiration. Her best friend. She wiped her cheeks and looked up at Natsu.

Now this was something that wasn't in Erza's vision when she was in Tower of Heaven. There, she saw how Natsu was shouting and denying. But now, he was staring at her grave. Tears were flooding out of his eyes and he didn't attempt to stop them. They should be shed. It was his sister's death, after all. The Dragon Slayer remembered each fight he had with her. He remembered how it was she who taught him to read and write after he forgot when Igneel left. He clenched his fist and let out a loud cry. He hated himself for not being able to save her. Back then, he pulled her out of that sea of magic energy.

"You promised, Erza. You promised me that you would not do something like that again." He thought to himself.

There is no use. No matter how much he gets angry with her, she is not coming back.

Happy stood beside him. He knew how devastated Natsu was. When the Dragon Slayer is showing his despair, not through his anger, but his silence, the blue exceed knew how much hurt he is. He sobbed silently and clutched Natsu's pants.

Fairytail will not ever be the same again.

The news of the death traveled faster than they thought. Members from other guilds came too. Kagura sat beside Millianna. Her chin trembled and she couldn't sink in the loss.

One sibling's death was enough. She was heartbroken when Simon, her brother, died . Now Erza too...

 _"I would rather like to be your sister"_ she remembers her words clearly. She still feels the warmth when Erza's eyes softened and she hugged her.

She held on to Millianna, who understood her pain on the same level, and cried.

 _Other members._

 _Other guilds._

 _Crime Sorciere._

 ** _Jellal._**

All the people at the funeral knew that the pain he is suffering is beyond comprehension.

The members of the independent guild entered. All three of them were wearing their usual dark cloaks that hid their faces. Meredy and Ultear walked toward the crowd while Jellal simply stood afar.

Meredy hugged Juvia and Lucy. Ultear glanced at Jellal before finally asking Juvia, "Where is Gray?"

"Juvia hasn't seen him since the ceremony ended. He went somewhere without telling anyone."

Ultear noded and then walked toward the forest. She knew that he must be sitting somewhere alone . Probably pretending that he is handling this entire thing well. The boy never shows his true emotions . At the end of the forest, she found him sitting near a stream.

The ice mage stared at the water. He did not notice the surrounding noises, the sound of the footsteps, anything. He was lost in his thoughts. He was lost in the thoughts about _her_. And he didn't want to come out ever again.

His mind floated to the day when he first saw her.

 _"Today is your lucky day so just deal with it." Cana said to him when he told her that she has read her cards wrong._

 _The door of the guild opened and entered Erza. He looked at her. There was something different about her, something that always fascinated him. Something that he loved._

The leaves rustled and he felt the wind on his skin. He noticed that he has lost his shirt again. He suddenly chuckled as another memory flashed in front of him.

 _"Don't just sit there feeling sorry for her, go say hi." He said to Cana when both of them saw Erza eating alone._

 _"I tried but she totally ignored me."_

 _"Well, she should understand by now that she not gonna get anywhere in this guild if she doesn't want talk to the Gray."_

 _He walked toward her and put on his cool guy demeanor._

 _"Hey, what's up?"_

 _After being ignored, he swiftly kicked the table and knocked down her food_

 _"Is there a problem?" She asked, still staring straight at the floor._

 _"You know it's a wizard guild, right? That stupid armor won't protect you here."_

 _She lifted her brown eyes and looked at him._

 _"Maybe not but at least I have the common decency to wear something. That's more than I can say for you, pervert ."_

 _Whoa. That was first. Nobody had ever talked to him like that._

She was strong. She was Titania- **_The girl who locked her heart in the armor to prevent it from breaking again._**

Ultear came and placed her hand on his shoulder.

He looked up at her.

"How are you, Gray?"

"I'm doing okay." He said in his rough voice . He was trying to hide his pain. Like he always do- just something he learnt from certain someone .

But emotions are sly too. A tear rolled down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away.

The other mage put her arms around him and gave him a warm smile saying, "Would you stop pretending? It's okay , you can cry. There is nothing wrong in that. "

And then he knew that he cannot hold it in any longer. That was the thing about Ultear, she always managed to see right through him.

And for Ultear, Gray was the closest thing to family that she had. She wanted to comfort him in every way she can.

It began to turn dark and they finally rose to go back to the guild. As they silently walked, Gray remembered something and at last he asked, "Where is Jellal?"

* * *

The air was cool. The dark clouds were hanging low in the sky.

Everyone went back to the guildhall. Jellal was sitting on a rock, his hands in between his knees, and his face was pale.

His eyes were set like stone. People came to comfort him but soon gave up when they saw how he was not even showing the slightest of emotions.

But how can he be blamed?

After all, his purpose of living was gone.

" _Do you love her?"_

 _"Yes."_

 _"Then live for her sake. That's your purpose."_

 _"I can do that."_

He remembers that day until today. When he finally saw her after seven long years.

He remembers everything about her. Her voice. Her smile. Her eyes . Her hair. Everything .

The kind of love they had, it was different. They chose the hard way. _He_ chose the hard way. And only he knows how much it hurts to love someone from far.

Memories were flooding him but he blocked them out for now. He can't bear it. Right now... Right now he just wanted to lay dead and get free of every emotion, of every feeling. Apathy is sometimes a bliss.

It started to rain again.

Each drop felt like cold needles showering on him. But he was devoid of any pain other than that of hers.

"So you are here." A voice called him from behind.

He slowly turned his head and saw Gray standing. His face was as expressionless as his.

Gray buried his hands in his pockets and stood straight. His fists were clenched. He reminded himself that he needs to calm down. Luckily, his hair covered his eyes so that one couldn't see the sadness in them; the anger that they bear has to be mellowed.

"Gray..." Jellal tried to speak but his voice was hoarse. He placed his hand on his sides, trying to feel the coarse texture of the rock. However, he did not feel any. He was a living corpse.

The raven haired man sat next to him. None of them said anything. Only the sound of their breathing echoed with the pattering of drops.

"How could you do this to her?" Gray asked, suppressing the brimming frustration.

The heavenly body mage's face glint with a slight emotion.

"What do you mean?"

"She loved you but you left her hanging."

"I had my reasons."

The ice mage knew that he had to let it all out. His chest was heavy with all this angst. He turned and clutched the collar of the blue haired mage . Jellal eyes turned wide for a split second as he saw those cobalt eyes.

"To hell with those reasons. She didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve any of this. Do you think that I don't know about the people with whom she was fighting? They were slaves from your Tower of Heaven. Just like Oración Seis, they formed a dark guild. She defeated them. All of them. But..." His voice started to break down. "...But she didn't survive . It was too much for even her. The thing is that they were among those people whom you ruled and deceived. "

Jellal knew it already. Meredy told him about it. He didn't know what to say.

"It is your mistake, Jellal Fernandes." Gray said while placing his fist on the other's chest. " It is your mistake that Erza is lying dead six feet underground. "

Gray was aware of _what_ he was saying, to _whom_ he was saying. He did not mean those words, of course. But he needed someone to blame. He needed someone on whom he can place the reason of his pain. At the moment, all his rationality was kept aside and he let the anger guide him.

"I KNOW!" Jellal shouted back. He too allowed feelings to overpower him. "I know, Gray. I already have sins painted on my soul whose atonement I will never find. In all this darkness, she was my light. I know that she did not deserve me. She deserved someone who could love her the right way. I clearly was not that person. I loved her with everything I had and I forever will but I wanted her to move on. "

His voice was full and his lips trembled. All these feelings were so overwhelming.

Before he could register what happened, he was lying on the ground, ice spreading over his chest.

"This is not how this works, bastard." Gray said while gritting his teeth. His knuckles turned red because of the punch. "When you love someone, you don't just give up on them even if they fall into the darkest pit. You love them for every scar they have. You fight beside them to defeat their demons. Even if you don't get the love in return, you hold on because it's not easy to move on." Pain shot through his eyes as he said the last words.

Jellal stood up and stared at him.

"You loved her." His voice echoed

Gray has always liked the requip mage. He just didn't realise that until he saw her again one evening. Years ago, on the same place where he is sitting near the stream before, she was.

 _Can't hide from me, you read headed freak._

 _"Alright Erza, bring it on. You're the one who is going down this time." He ran toward her._

 _She turned her head. Her scarlet locks slapped her face. Her eyes, those beautiful brown ones, were glistening with brimming tears._

 _Under that golden sun, the blue water that flowed nearby, the sound of existence itself, Gray Fullbuster fell for Erza Scarlet._

And now, everything around him has shattered into a million pieces.

"Yes I did! And I always will."

Jellal stood still. He dropped his eyes to ground and slowly asked, "Why didn't you tell her so?"

Gray gave out a cynical smirk.

"Tell her? I already knew what her heart has always wanted."

They both led out a long sigh.

"You never realised how lucky you are, Fernandes. But hats off to throwing that love away in abysses of self-pity and guilt."

"Would you stop staying that?" Jellal said with frustration and anger. It's not that he had deliberately pushed her away from him. It was needed. This time he went and hit Gray. It landed on his shoulder.

Gray cocked an eye brow.

"At least you got to see her every day." Jellal said while gripping Gray. "You got to see her smile. You even got to be the reason for her smile many times. But me? All I have ever given her is this pain. She was with you all these years. "

Gray flipped and Jellal toppled over him.

"What's the point of seeing her when her eyes searched for you in every face? Even if I had tried, she would never have forgotten about you. She carried you in her own name, after all."

 ** _Scarlet._**

 _"It's the colour of your hair."_

Jellal closed his eyes and lay there. His body was motionless. Both of them stayed like that, breathing on each other, thinking about the girl they loved. Jellal's grip loosened and his forehead touched Gray's. He had no energy left. He was exhausted. They had been defeated and beaten by the same love.

And suddenly their lips met. They do not know who kissed whom first. But they both fell deeper into it. Their warmth caressed each other's skin.

No, they were not kissing each other. They were actually kissing the girl who resides in both of them. She had left her parts in their souls. They both wanted to grab what the other had, in order to complete what they already had. Therefore, they were trying to snatch away whatever they could. It was a rivalry, not intimacy. It was a fight where she was the reward. A reward that now has gone so far from their reach that now only its absence was left to acknowledge. Their cheeks glistened and lips were swollen but they did not stop. Not until they got her out of the other.

* * *

"We will be leaving now." Meredy said to Lucy and Wendy. Jellal stood next to Ultear and put on his cloak.

"Take care of yourselves and of Gray too." Ultear said.

"Wait, he is not here? I wonder where he went. Should I call him?" Lucy asked as she looked around to see where the ice mage could be.

"No, that won't be necessary. It's getting late." Jellal briskly said and turned around to go. He and Gray did not say anything since last night. It was not that they were embarrassed; they both knew that no words are necessary.

They have not told anyone, of course. But all Ultear know is that whenever they come to Magnolia, Jellal excuses himself for one night. She guessed that he goes to spend some time alone with Erza, near her grave. She was not entirely wrong though. He did go to meet her but it was in the person who had raven hair and cobalt eyes.

* * *

 **[A/N] : Please review and feel free to point out the errors. ^o^**


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